July 12th, 2006
I...I don't even know where to start...He..he...*shudder* Last night. I can't even lock my door against him because he knows where the spare key is. And I can't very well bring the key inside because if Sora or Kairi needed something and didn't have their keys and couldn't get in...I don't know what to do anymore...It's so...I feel so helpless. He's so strong, and I can even budge against him. It's too much. I actually gave up struggling about half way through because I knew there was no hope. He was gonna...go over to her house...*swallows dryly* I can't...I just need to...No matter how much I...I can't seem to think straight right now...I need to go take a shower or something...I feel so...unclean...So many things running through my head at once...I'm...I'm just gonna go...
I'll be out at the paopu tree if you need me...
July 10th, 2006
Current Music: silence
I'm bored...plain and simple...I've been spending a lot of time on the play island lately...I even stayed the night there the past couple nights. It's peacefull...I've had a lot of time to think, but...I still...
no matter how much I think, everything still seems to be my fault
*sigh* it's almost as though this has all been a bad dream and all I'm waiting to do is wake up now. It's such a strange feeling.
Last night...gods...I woke up from this dream with such a bad headache...It was a rush. All of these things...some involved Sora...some involved Kairi...some involved the King...King Mickey...and Malieficent...the dream with Roxas has become even clearer now.
I can remember details. Like...how cold it was, the leather against my skin, the pressing darkness of the blindfold, the wind blowing in my face as I jumped from the tower, the cold metallic feeling through my gloves. Such detailed things...It's almost like that had happened recently. I can remember the pain...the pain of defeat. I felt like I had failed. I had failed Sora. I had tried my hardest to help him, but I couldn't. The thoughts that ran through my mind...It wasn't the first time I had lost, but it was definitely the worst. I remember vowing that I would be the stronger one the next time.
It makes me wonder...were we enemies? Did we really hate eachother? and Why did we hate eachother? Was it because of Sora? or something else? So many questions that I know can't be answered. Unless...
Unless Roxas remembers the answers
never mind...Things are getting confusing.
I had such a bad headache after that dream. Well...that memory. I can remember things now. It's almost like something happened and a door opened, letting all of the memories back. But the question still remains: Why did I lose these memories? What is really going on here? Why can't I remember a whole year out of my life? *sigh* again...questions that will go unanswered...
I'm...not even gonna bother making this private...( Screened to Sora and KairiCollapse )
I'm going to take a shower and then I'm going to go to the cafe for some sea salt icecream...*ran out a while ago* Call me on my cell if you want to do something...
July 1st, 2006
eh @ 12:51 pm
ok compared to the last week
Current Music: Unbelievable ~ Thousand Foot Krutch
I've been down quite a bit lately...and I'm sorry for that. Sora and Kairi, I know you both are worried about me, and I want to tell yall that I'm a bit better now...Still a bit...*tries to think of a word* bleh about some stuff but...I think I just needed a bit to think about stuff. So right.
Quote of the...moment? lol...i guess that works...
"Sticks and Stone may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me. Tie me up, throw me down, and show me that you like me!"
~Dunno who said it...i thought it was funny as hell...kinda hot too...>.>
SO!! I think I'm just hopped up on Sea Salt Icecream...>.> totally went to the store and got some cause I've been craving it ever since Roxas gave me a taste at the cafe that one time. Good stuff...I have like...3 popsicles left and they'll definitely be gone by tonight. So addicting.
It kinda tastes like Sora Anyway! Just giving the update so yall won't worry about me so much...>.> If you want to go do something feel free to call me...I'm off to go have some more Sora-tasting Sea salt popsicles!
June 27th, 2006
. . . @ 10:41 am
Current Music: none
June 24th, 2006
Current Music: silence
( PrivateCollapse )
So right...today after all the shit that happened, Kairi and I took Sora back home, and managed to get him upstairs just before his father got home. Kairi and I climbed out the window and I walked her home, and then came home myself...and I've been sitting here
on the verge of breaking down
for the past hour or so...*sigh* i'm not sure...what...never mind...if life could please just get a bit more confusing I would really appreciate it...</sarcasm>...I'm going to go and...do something...think about stuff...I'll be online later, so if anyone wants to talk, feel free to im me.( Screened to Sora and KairiCollapse )
June 8th, 2006
Current Music: Sweet Transvestite ~ Rocky Horror Picture Show
I'm so frickin bored right now so here's a meme to entertain me!
Part 1: The Birth of You
Were you a planned baby?:
Were you the first?:
Who was present at your birth?:
my parents?.....maybe my grandparent?
Were your parents married when you were born?:
yeah...not for long tho
What is your birthdate?
Part 2: The Family
How would you describe your family?:
mmm...they have their days...mother can be a bitch, but my step father can be a bastard too...>.<;;
Are your parents married? Divorced? Seperated?:
Divorced, and remarried to other people
Siblings or an only child?:
If you have siblings are you oldest, middle, or youngest?
not applicable, bitches! XD;;
What are your siblings names?:
Which parent do you get along with best?:
uhm...i get along with Sora and Kairi's parents really well...*innocent smile*
What do you fight about?:
grades, my friends, my life...me in general
Do you have step parents?:
yup...and the smarmy bastard isn't here right now so yay!!
Part 3: The Friends
Do you have more than one best friend?:
Yup!! Sora and Kairi!
What do you like to do when you are together?:
watch movies, spar, be weird, fool around >3, make Kairi cook food XP, and a lot of other stuff too...
Do you share the same interests?:
yup! pretty much!
Which friend can you tell anything to?:
Sora, Kairi, and Roxas
Part 4: Your Personality
How high/low is your self esteem?:
Pretty high most of the time...
Do you get depressed about things easily?:
depents on the thing =/
Are you an extrovert or an introvert?:
bit of both
Are you happy?:
Hell yeah i'm happy! XD
Do you live life to the fullest?:
as much as I can!
Part 5: Appearance
Are you comfortable with the way you look?:
What would you change about your appearance if you could?:
uh...i dunno...*ponders* i kinda like the way I look, so I guess nothing...XD;;;
Do you have any piercings besides your ears?:
no...should i get one? >333
Describe your hair?
Silvery, past shoulders, straight.
What make-up do you wear?:
only makeup for the play! and...they haven't put any on me yet...O.o;;; that will be an interesting day...I swear to god if anyone laughs...
How do you dress?:
anything that I find comfortable at the time
Part 6: The Past
Were you a strange child?:
What did you use to love that you no longer do?:
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .teddy bears. . . . . . . . . . . .
Do you have the same friends?
Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing?:
Uhm...that one time I fell off of the docks when I was really little and couldn't swim...i almost drowned...
Part 7: The Future
What is your ambition?:
Well, I changed my major to Business Management and Accounting...so...hopefully get a good paying job and be able to support my family...if I ever have a family that is! XD
Are you scared of growing old?:
uuuuuuhhhhh....I'm afraid of what i'll look like, but the concept doesn't scare me per se...
Do you want to get married?:
I would like to, yes...
Part 8: The Outdoors
Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?:
outdoors by the ocean!
What is your favorite season:
all year round...but spring and winter are my absolute most favorite
clear day, not too hot, nice breeze
Do you like walking in the rain?:
yup! it's refreshing!
Part 9: Food
Are you a vegetarian?:
keh...a vegetarian?? me?! hahahhahahahahahahah!!
What is your favorite food?:
I'd have to say the hamburgers at the restaurant we always go to by the docks...anything Kairi makes me...XP
What food makes you want to gag?:
Uhm...i dunno...if it's food I'll eat it...nothing like brussle sprouts or asparagus tho...*shudder*
What is your favorite dessert?:
mmm...sea salt icecream, or birthday cake icecream...*taste-bud orgasm*
What is your favorite restaurant?:
the one by the docks! that place is frickin good!
Are you a fussy eater?:
Part 10: Relationships and Love
Are you single or taken?:
If taken who is the lucky guy/girl?:
HA!! I get to put both down! Sora and Kairi!
Do you think love is the best feeling in the world?:
Do you believe in love at first sight?:
Part 11: Experiences
What was one of your greatest experiences?
mmm....*not appropriate for lj* X3333
What was one of your worst?
. . . .*can't say on lj*
Have you ever done drugs?
Have you ever thought you were going to die?:
again, the falling off of the docks when i was little and couldn't swim...o.O;;;;
BTW!! I can't believe I have to sing sweet transvestite!! O.O!!! . . . . . . . . . . i just hope the director doesn't make me do it like the guy in the movie did it...
May 18th, 2006
Current Music: Ending Song to Sensitive Pornograph
I'm..not sure why I've got one of these egg things...o.O;;; oh well...Let's just see what happens...
May 14th, 2006
Current Music: Rush ~ Aly & AJ
( PrivateCollapse )( Screened from everone but RoxasCollapse )
Nothing much has been going on...^^;;; so! I'ma head out! Lata!
May 11th, 2006
Current Music: Lips of an Angel~ Hinder *has fallen in love with this song*
I'm done with classes! *does a jig* I'm so frickin happy! I don't think I could possibly have stood another freakin week of those stupid classes...BUT! I'm done! HAHA!! too bad i'm taking summer courses...BUT! They're online! XDDD I could just stay in my apartment all freakin summer if I wanted. I'll prolly spend most of my time with Sora and Kairi...and prolly on the play island just laying out on the paopu tree. I haven't done that in forever! XD I'll go do that tonight maybe!
*sigh* nothing going on...I'm sitting on my couch and watching tv and typing on my laptop...obviously...I think i'ma go to the paopu tree and just lay around for a while! I'm off!! Lata!
May 3rd, 2006
GREAT, WORRIED, and SICK!
Current Music: So Long Self ~ MercyMe
( PrivateCollapse )
on a much different note:( Screened to KairiCollapse )
On yet another much different note:
I'm never eating food again...everything I eat seems to make me nauseous...so! I'm just not gonna eat any more! *determination* well...not really...I'll go to the hospital and get them to feed me interveiniously...well...not really...I'll just take meds before I eat anything...there we go...that's realistic...I might go to the doctor soon...I've been putting it off for a while...neh...I'll go when i really feel bad...not like i know what that feels like, but i'm sure i'll know if it happens! XD;;;; neways! I must be off to go watch tv...'m outta here!!
April 29th, 2006
Current Music: Passion ~ Utada Hikaru
Ok...I woke up this morning at around noon, and Kairi had already left for school, I'm assuming...and I go to the living room where my mother is sipping on her coffee daintily and she goes. "Why are you still here?"
I was like, "Gee...nice to see you too, mother..." and she shook her head. Apparently this morning in between the time that Kairi left and the time I woke up, movers came, moved all my stuff to the apartment, got everything set up, and my mom unpacked everything...so yeah...i'm all moved in! Quite the way to do things! Stress free! So I came over and walked inside and it looks awesome! I'm so happy I moved...I'm sitting on my couch right now, watching TV and doing nothing! It's nice...Maybe I'll call Sora and Kairi and they can spend the night tomorrow...well...Kairi might not get to...
I wouldn't want her leaving the house for a while if i were her parents...
BUT! Sora can! Well...i'm almost positive Sora can at least...haha! Ok...I'm off to lay around and do nothing some more...Lata!( PrivateCollapse )
April 18th, 2006
Current Music: New Design ~ Thousand Foot Krutch
Ok...I had a freakin brain fart this morning and, well, long story short, I'm sitting in my english class 40 minutes before it's actually supposed to start. I so
wouldn't be here right now if the professor wasn't docking points for not showing up to both days of the oral presentations. Oh well. I'm not going to the rest of my classes today. HA! I just looked at my syllabus for history, and I don't have class on thursday! What awesome news! That almost
makes me want to go to class today. (I have a feeling SOra and Kairi are gonna yell at me later...o.o;;)
I'm moving into my apartment this weekend! XD!! I'm so excited! All my stuff is packed up and ready to go! Now all I gotta do is move! I can't wait! Sora and Kairi will prolly sleep over with me...i hope...XDD
I had...another strange dream last night. I can barely remember it...( Screened from everyone but RoxasCollapse )
Oh...my god...Class just
started. Sorry, guys, but prepare for a long entry...I'm tired.............Maybe Sora, Kairi, Roxas and I can go do something later on today!( PrivateCollapse )
Right...class is over now, so i'ma head back home! XD Cause i'm lazy and don't want to go to class like a good boy! (once again...i have a feeling Sora and Kairi are gonna yell at me...o.o;;;;;;) LATA!
April 17th, 2006
call me, i wanna go do stuff!!
Current Music: Move ~ Thousand Foot Krutch
50 random questions, cause i'm freakin bored! XDD( Click for teh questions!Collapse )
Ok...i'm off to finish packing mah stuff! (turns out i had one more box left after the one that i finished a few nights ago...-_-;;;)...LATA!!
April 16th, 2006
Current Music: Cold Hard Bitch ~ Jet
Ok...last night Kairi called me and sora i guess just to talk, when we started up on the whole...well...( Screened from SoraCollapse )
Then I came back home, and layed down for a bit until I started feeling kinda bad...I think I may be catching the cold that Sora and Kairi had...I feel ok now, but...i dunno...I hope i'm not getting sick. 'Specially with the move in date coming up...It'll be some time this week or this weekend...Ok...it's time for lunch/dinner/something...i dunno...my step father is in town and felt the need to make this big easter meal thing...i dunno...
NEWAYS! Happy Easter everyone!
April 15th, 2006
what the heck is goin on??
Current Music: My Humps ~ Black Eyed Peas
Well...been a bit since I've really entered anything...I've got one more box to fill and i'm aaaallll done! XDD I can't wait to move. It's almost too much to take. Neways! I went to the beach with Sora and Kairi, and something...strange happened.
Sora apparently saw a tidal wave coming at me. It was so weird. He looked so scared. *shakes head* Such strange stuff has been happening lately, what with Sora's random vision, and the fact that Roxas and I are having the exact same "dreams"...I want to know what's going on. OH!!
Sora and Kairi: Do you guys remember anything at all from your sophomore years of highschool? I can't remember anything from my junior year except the summer vacation before it, and then the summer vacation after it...If you remember anything tell me. I need to know. I'll ask you guys about it when I see you or talk to you next...or you can just reply to this..XD;;;
Something strange is going on...Roxas and I are a bit anxious about it. *sighs* we'll figure it out eventually...
ANYWAY! We hung out at the beach for a while! Haven't done that in forever! It was nice! Sora, Kairi, and I are a "couple" now! haha! This all worked out nicely. Kairi was a bit confused as to how it would work, but I don't think stuff would change really...like i said to her, now we can make out and stuff! haha! XD I'm glad stuff worked out the way they did!
well...I'm off to finish packing up MAH LAST BOX!!! HELL YEAH! XDDD Call me and we'll go do something! Lata!!
April 9th, 2006
Current Music: New Design ~ Thousand Foot Krutch
So yesterday I went apartment shopping with Sora and Kairi, and it turned out that we only had to go to one complex! It was the nicest, cheapest, and closest complex to their houses, so I was totally fine with it! PLUS! the apartment is HUGE! I'm glad that Sora and Kairi will be coming over often! XD! Went to sign the paperwork, and I'm gonna be moving in next weekend. I'm so excited! I've already begun packing up all my stuff in boxes. XDDD Then Sora and I took Kairi home and...( *private* I can't believe I did that...Collapse )
Mother was very happy about the apartment and fully approved. I was glad. After that I just went up to my room and started typing this out...All I can think about is what happened...and...*sighs* I'm still sorry about it...
I have to go work on some homework and pack now, but I'll be on so, talk to me if you wish!
April 8th, 2006
Current Music: The Art of Breaking ~ Thousand Foot Krutch
Why does it always seem that i'm so incredibly bored? I need something to do....AH! found something! XD
Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle.
Say the following questions aloud, and press play.
Use the song titles that come up to answer each question.
How does the world see me?
Worlds Apart - Jude Cole
Will I have a happy life?
Flying East - Fourplay
What do people really think of me?
American Idiot - Greenday (hahah! wow...)
Do people secretly lust after me?
Truly, Madly, Deeply - Savage Garden (really? XD)
How can I make myself happy?
I climb - Thousand Foot Krutch
What should I do with my life?
Break the Silence - Thousand Foot Krutch (alright then! XP)
Will I ever have children?
(Reach Up for The) Sunrise - Duran Duran
What is some good advice for me?
December - Collective Soul (Of course a song about a blow job comes up...-_-;;;)
What do I think my current theme song is?
Flat on the Floor - Nickelback
What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Do this Anymore - Nickelback
What song will play at my funeral?
Step to me - Thousand Foot Krutch (.....wow...interesting choice)
What type of men/women do you like?
Real World - Matchbox 20
What is my day going to be like?
Here Is Gone - Goo Goo Dolls
Why am I here?
Holiday - Greenday (AWESOME! XD)
What will people remember me for?
Figured You Out - Nickelback (*smirks and blushes* not gonna tell you my thoughts on this...)
What song will I get stuck in my head tomorrow?
Hurt - Thousand Foot Krutch
Are there people outside waiting to take me away?
Last Words - Thousand Foot Krutch (O_O)
What will this year be all about?
Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz (XDDD)
well...that killed about 15 minutes...-_-;;;; man...it sucks that no one is online at 12:15 am...XD;;;
April 7th, 2006
confused but happy
Current Music: December ~ Collective Soul
I went over to see Kairi cause she was sick, and talked to her for a bit, and then went home and worked on homework for a while. Then I went back over to Kairi's to check up on her...and saw Kairi and Sora laying in bed together. Yes...my mind automatically went there. It was a bit of a shocker. anyways...We had a talk and ended up in a tickle fight. I eventually got the upper hand and pinned Sora to the ground. After a bit of threatening, I ended up really close to him. That's about when Kairi's father came in and saw...And then kicked us out...It got kinda akward around Sora after that for the obvious reasons.
it's strange...i couldn't manage to stop blushing...I was so nervous...more nervous than i've ever been in my life...it was a good kind of nervous though...gah...what's come over me? Kairi managed to catch up with us, but SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE RAN LIKE THAT! >< she'll only make her cold worse...*sighs and shakes head* anyways...she invited us over for dinner after explaining how her mother knew we were only playing around. So! We went over and had a very delicious dinner! Kairi's mom is an AWESOME cook! She got a phone call during dinner and had to leave. And then after Sora attempted to steal some of my food, the phone rang again. So kairi went to answer it...leaving Sora and I alone. After she had made a comment about us seeming like we were married...*small blush* Sora at one point stuck his tounge out at me, and, outta habit, I just had to say, "Don't stick it out unless your plannin on using it..." and he just had to reply back with, "What? Want me to?" I swear...no...not gonna say that here...he reads this...That's about the time that Kairi came back in the room...She said her parents were gonna leave the islands for a bit on bussiness...so we both spent the night at Sora's. We just pretty much hung out and talked about random stuff...and Sora ate enough sugar to make a baby whale hyper. But he still managed to fall asleep befre both Kairi and I...still havn't quite figured that out...anyway...
so right...yesterday was interesting...
and confusing...very confusing...
I'm gonna head out now...I'll talk to you all lata!
April 6th, 2006
Current Music: Slow Bleed ~ Thousand Foot Krutch
I think I'm sick somehow...It's strange...it's like a gnawing feeling in my stomach...halfway between being really hungry and about to vomit! I'm gonna go to the doctor tomorrow and ask her what's up...hope it's nothing serious...
NEWAY! Kairi's sick...I went to visit her this afternoon. I hope she starts feeling better soon...
Just got a comment from Sora telling me it's an ulcer...O_O...don't those things kill people? o_o;;;;;;;;...just my luck to have something like this happen...'specially when...never mind...
*shakes head* I hope this doesn't interfere with my life...I have a paper to write and friends to hang out with! No time to be sick! Maybe I'll read up on ulcers for a bit......
Yeah...says here that Ulcers are caused by stress...and that sometimes you vomit a coffee ground like substance?!?! damn! and it can go through your stomach lining...and basically kill you...wonderful! spectacular! </sarcasm>
Neh! I'll get better soon! No need to worry! I'm too strong to let this little illness get me down! XD! Anyway! I still have one more class today...Archaeology. I hope it'll be as interesting as tuesday's class was...She showed us slides pretty much the whole time, but they were interesting...far more interesting than history slides...*scoff* haha! well...i'm gonna go now...I'm hungry...I think...
HA! I like this face...
Current Music: Stranger ~ Thousand Foot Krutch
Can't sleep...and I have class tomorrow morning. Like I actually have to go to english, so I have to wake up at 6. Neh...Today was interesting. Woke up fairly late...bout noon. It felt good to sleep in, although I do it every other day! haha! Anyways...Did the meme thing for Sora, Cloud, and Kairi...man...my stomach feels strange...It's like I'm hungry, but...I'm not...how strange...Anyway! found out something about Kairi...The three of us met up at Paopu Island to talk it over. Didn't really come to a conclusion of any kind, but...I think it helped her to talk about it...I hope it helped. It was interesting. I had no idea she felt that way. It's rather confusing...My feelings alone are quite confusing...( PrivateCollapse )
so yeah...nothing much else to say...*shakes head* i really should go to sleep...I have to get up at 6...Luckily for me, I don't have any homework due or anything. That was nice...
I had an akward conversation with this guy in AIM earlier today...He was talking to me (I know him from facebook), and when I told him I had to get off, he asked me if he could call me....o.o;;;;...i was like,"ummm...well...I'm gonna be really busy tomorrow, what with class, and I have to work on history and a paper for english...and well..." and he said,"That's ok! I'll just try to catch you inbetween all your stuff!" and he kept saying stuff like that...until I told him that I didn't swing that way! XD! haha...that was funny...he just stuttered a lot and then signed off...man...that was funny. yeah...it was really creepy...I dunno...it's over...I didn't give him my number...that's reserved for Roxas, Sora, and Kairi! XD!
NEWAYS! I think I should go to bed now...nah...It's only 1:20! haha! before I know it, it'll be 4:00 am...*shrug* I don't really care. Not like we're doing anything of any importance tomorrow. I can't wait to go apartment looking! If Sora can't come I'll push it back to later on next week or next weekend...I really want him to come. I've just started to accept the fact that the three of them are gonna call me "housewife" for the rest of my life...-_-;;; I didn't have to clean today! XD! I was happy...I think it's cause I talk to my mother about moving out. I can't wait. Finally I'll be on my own...Sora will prolly be over every other night, cause my apartment will be close to his and kairi's house...Kairi is welcome to come over too, just I dunno if her mother will let her...I hope she will...we could have "slumber parties" as Kairi put it...haha! Sora and I just called 'em sleep overs when we were little.
*sigh* I hope I can make it all the way through class tomorrow...I don't have class for four days after that, so...I need to make it...I should really take a look at the syllabuses and see what all I have due on tuesday...I know I have an english paper due...well...the rough draft at least...no big deal...Alright...I'm going to bed! G'night you guys!